The First Thirty Seconds

ByMarlowe

There is a kind of person who has already figured something out that most people spend their whole lives circling. You know them when you meet them. The hard part is understanding what, exactly, it is they know.

She is up before the house is. This is not a discipline she imposed on herself — it is simply what her body does, has always done, and she stopped fighting it years ago.

The bedroom is quiet in the specific way that early morning is quiet. Not silent. Just unhurried. The light coming through the curtains is the grey-blue kind that hasn’t decided what it wants to be yet.

She makes coffee first. Always coffee first. Then she stands in front of the open wardrobe with the mug held in both hands and she looks.

Not for long. Thirty seconds, maybe. Less on a good day.

She is not thinking about where she is going, exactly, or who will be in the room, or what the meeting requires of her. She has been to enough meetings to know that the room adjusts to the person more than the person adjusts to the room, when the person is sufficiently settled inside themselves. She learned this the hard way, in her thirties, when she spent a decade dressing for rooms and arrived at forty slightly depleted and not entirely sure where she had gone.

So now she dresses for the thirty seconds before the day starts. For the version of herself that is still quiet and unobserved and entirely her own.

She reaches for the shirt. White, always white in the morning — there is something about it that clarifies rather than decides. It is cut simply, falls the way good fabric falls when someone has thought carefully about how it is supposed to move. She has had it for three years. It does not look like it. It looks like it will last another ten.

The chino next. The color of sand that has been wet and dried and wet again. Worn in at the knee in a way that took two years to earn and cannot be replicated by anything a factory does to denim on purpose.

She is dressed in under two minutes. Nothing was decided. Everything was confirmed.

She picks up her coffee and stands at the kitchen window and watches the light outside finish becoming what it is going to be today.

The day has not started yet. But she has.

Marlowe.

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